A heavy heart...#7

You never know what you have until its gone...so make the most of every opportunity, it you love someone then say it - if you want to be better friends with someone then do it...eveyday is a gift thats why its called "the present"...
For some reason or another I decided to call my parents today even though I had talked to them yesterday - I knew something was terribly wrong the moment my Dad answered the phone - my Mom got on the line and asked me if I was sitting down. One of my friends back home died just this morning...I didn't know him as well as I would have liked to, but he was still a friend. His name was Ryan - he was seventeen and a senior this year...no matter how cold it was he would always be wearing khaki shorts, white socks, and a red hoodie (at least when I saw him)...you know those people that brighten your day with just a smile - well, that was Ryan.People react in different ways to tragedy...and I reacted in anger...I just can't understand why God would take him now...this guy was a miracle, he had drowned once when he was a toddler and was revived...its the holiday season...I can only imagine what Thanksgiving will be like for his parents... it is a time to thank God for all the many blessings He has given us,yet their son is dead...he was fine,he was healthy - it wasn't his time to go, he had his whole life ahead of him.But if he was loved so much by us here on earth, when our love is tainted, then how much more did God love him?So live your life as if it was your last day on this earth - I know I'll see Ryan again in heaven and he'll be wearing those khaki shorts,white socks, and that red hoodie...and he will smile and I will smile...I'm not good with words, but this song says it all ~

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good

...Ryan Spear will never be forgotten...when life in in discord praise ye the Lord...

The sun also rises...#6

Well, as most of you are aware this "week" is fall break, and I am currently sitting at home baking cookies. I'm not really sure how to describe the innitial feeling of being at home - its different. This will always be home, but it will never be what it was...I could go on and on about all the memories and the parents and the boyfriend - but I'm sure you have better uses for your time...its funny but in a way I miss MC, well, really I miss my friends there. But there is something about being home...you're more at ease, you sleep better, and hopefully you are catered to :) Hopefully we have all shared or will share the same experience...
I just got back from taking my brother to choir and I saw an old friend..."You look the same but older and wiser" he said...I laughed, I can't help the older part but I hope that my going away to college, fellowshipping with other believers, etc. will make me wiser...we were learning about Solomon last week in OT Bible - wisdom - I wouldn't have asked for that, but I suppose that the immense responsibility of ruling a country would way heavily on your mind...so I pose the question to you as I ponder it myself - how do you become wise, what makes a person wise? Does wisdom increase with age or experience? Comment, let me know, and I'm sorry this blog was so uninteresting - I hope everyone has a great fall break...see you back at MC !!!

What began as an assignment...#5

This weekend I did my community service project for English - spending time with kids in the community (eating, talking, and going to the football game). Some might have seen this as an assignment and in a way it was, but looking back - the kids blessed me more than I blessed them. My Saturday consisted of sleeping 'til nine, watching the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding", and eating by myself in the caf. My family wasn't able to come for family weekend so I had good reason for wanting to be alone. It's not that I wasn't happy for everyone else, but their smiling faces did nothing for my lonely mood. So I stayed out of sight until four - that's when everything changed.
I arrived on the steps of the caf ten minutes early (which is my usual practice) and immediately saw about nine children running around like they had a sugar/Red Bull high. I sat down on the steps and made polite conversation, suddenly, a lady sitting realatively close to me let out an exasperating sigh and said, "Oh please tell me I don't have any boys, I'd prefer the girls." I couldn't help but laugh to myself,then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a little girl staring at me, so I smiled, the girl smiled back and said four words, "You have pretty teeth". I have to admit that this was not the response I had hoped for but I thanked her and awkwardly waited for further instructions.
When asked who she wanted to pair up with the little girl pointed straight at me and said, "I want her." So for the rest of the night I was her partner. Her name was Angel, she was a sweet little thing too, but oh man, could she talk. She reminded of me of when I was her age, full of curiousity and spirit - a regular spit fire. Throughout the night I found out alot about Angel - she had a brother and three sisters, she loved the Saints, she could yell like no one I had ever heard before,and she loved candy! As we were going down the stairs I told her to be careful, she replied that she would be careful because she didn't want to die like one of her friends. She tried to explain to me how her friend died but she was talking so fast I couldn't understand a word... If I could say one thing about her it would be this - she was one of the happiest children I had ever seen. It was then that I realized that she was an angel sent to show me that "its not all about me/ stop feeling sorry for myself"...and I'm so blessed that I was able to meet and spend time with her for however brief a time...what began as an assignment turned out to be a blessing...

Just to clarify...a mini blog...

My last blog "it's ok to be gay" was in no way written to bash homosexuals or those who are for or have had an abortion. I was simply writing my own views - after all, that's what blogging is all about...writing about things that you believe or things of relevancy...